Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
