R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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