I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
