this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
