worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
