Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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