Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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