she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
