Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
