My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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