I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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