my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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