And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
