Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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