no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
