dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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