I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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