I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Quick, to the slutcave!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You are the jesus of drinking
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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