Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
