i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
