Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
