you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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