Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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