I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
