you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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