By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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