Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
