before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
