Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
