I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
