Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
FUCK WHALES
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
