So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
