you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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