You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
