Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She swung at the pinata with crutches
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
