You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
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I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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