you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
