My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We have started to decorate penises.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
