he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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