I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
