The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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