You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
