i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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