the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
