I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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