I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
