I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
