Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
