Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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