I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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