forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
