So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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