When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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