Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize