Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She's the barista slut.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
