how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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