You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your cock deserves a montage
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
