I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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