The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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