just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Will exercising make me less horny?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
