He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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