Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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