We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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